Leave five demented Italian apes by themselves for just 10 minutes and what do you get? Total devastation, obviously.
If you have no idea how impactful the sound of Grindcore can be, you better get ready for an intense sonic earthquake that, despite lasting for only around 10 minutes, will surely leave you disoriented and probably all covered in bruises due to its bestial rage. I’m talking about Turd, the new album by Italian Grindcore/Powerviolence lunatics Ape Unit, a delight for fans of the deranged music by acts such as Napalm Death, Terrorizer, Fuck The Facts and Ratos De Porão, and a true nightmare for “soccer moms” all over the world.
Forged in the year of 2008 in the town of Cuneo, Italy, around 150km east of the city of Genoa, Ape Unit offer a basic but very efficient formula that consists of short and wicked lyrics blended with immensurable amounts of craziness and grinding powerviolence. In other words, don’t expect to find anything philosophical or introspective in their music, all you will find is a very good reason for slamming into the pit like a rabid gorilla. In case you still don’t get it, simply take a good look at the chaotic state of the primates in the amazing artwork by renowned artist Craoman and you’ll have a comprehensive representation of the music by Ape Unit.
The opening track, entitled Puberal Baphomet, and you better get used to beautiful song names like this one, evolves from a heavy and imposing intro to a frantic devastation with highlights to all the screaming by lead singer Mariano Somà, which is very melodic and groovy despite sounding like a carnivorous mutant creature. In Mullet For My Valentine, follow the lyrics if you can while you enjoy its awesome Grindcore vibe (“The only way to rape my crush apart / The 80s: true men and true metal / You must love me / Even if I am a fat ass I’ve got the hairdo of the Gods! / I’ll stay gold: I’m like Jacob B.”); whereas the brutal slamming tune Your Body Will Become My Abat-Jour showcases riffs and drums at an insane speed and ferocity, and of course if you’re a circle- pit lover this is the perfect soundtrack for you to practice your passion.
In The Will To Smith they get considerably faster with hints of Death Metal added to the song’s musicality, especially through the badass bass lines by Umberto Salvetti, turning it into one minute of visceral barbarism. And could they sound even more demonic in less than 40 seconds? Well, the answer is a song named Tropical Mode-ON, which pretty much feels like being hit by a truck. The following tune, Don’t Touch The Forbidden Congas, talks about a curious “curse”, telling us what happens to your body if you touch the “forbidden congas”, before the vicious Grindcore tune Orango Juice comes kicking you in the head with its Slayer-ish riffs. Besides, I’m not really sure what to say about its lyrics, so you can take your own conclusions about them (“Satan’s coming back to town / To find out another victim / Four legs and one cock / Beg down on your knees / This is the way you beg and suck my dick, now! / So long and thanks for all the juice! / Hail Satanas – Dominus – Satanas / Orango juice down your throat, in your mouth”).
Sperm Bank Robbery presents a “delicate” sounding for an even “cuter” story told while the whole band lacerates their instruments, followed by Children Of Boredom, a merciless ode to the place where the band comes from showcasing the best lyrics of all songs in Turd (“Cuneo, born and raised / But I’m not the Fresh Prince / Tell me now what I should do / Gianna Gancia is not the cure / Fed up of this fucking shit / Children of Boredom”). Last but not least, how about a song called Go Kart Kobain, a demented tune firing sheer violence in your face in less than a minute? And just out of curiosity, this song is a tribute to the iconic American musician Seth Putnam (R.I.P.), the founder of Grindcore band Anal Cunt.
In order to be properly be shredded apart by this excellent Italian quintet, go check their Facebook page and YouTube channel, and if you’re a true fan of violent music go grab your copy of their atomic bomb Turd at their BandCamp or Big Cartel. Needless to say, this solid Grindcore album is the result of leaving five demented Italian apes by themselves for just 10 minutes. And we all love it, of course.
Best moments of the album: Your Body Will Become My Abat-Jour and Don’t Touch The Forbidden Congas.
Worst moments of the album: Sperm Bank Robbery.
Released in 2015 Uterus Productions/Here And Now Records/Zas Autoproduzioni/Distrozione/Don Carlos Productions/Tadca Records/Vollmer Industries
1. Puberal Baphomet 2:13
2. Mullet For My Valentine 0:46
3. Your Body Will Become My Abat-Jour 1:09
4. The Will To Smith 0:56
5. Tropical Mode-ON 0:34
6. Don’t Touch The Forbidden Congas 1:53
7. Orango Juice 0:45
8. Sperm Bank Robbery 0:57
9. Children Of Boredom 0:54
10. Go Kart Kobain 0:41
Mariano Somà – vocals
Marco Losano – guitars
Alberto Cornero – guitars
Umberto Salvetti – bass
Steve Bianco – drums
Mattia Gatti – additional vocals on “Your Body Will Become My Abat-Jour”